|One year my boyfriend forgot my birthday and it taught me a lot about love.
I woke up on the morning of my birthday and checked my phone expecting to find a loving text from my love.
When I didn’t see anything, I felt a slight p of pain in my heart. I consoled myself….”he’s probably going to give me a call later or send flowers”, I thought.
8am, 9am, 10am…still nothing.
I went to a workout class and balled my eyes out thinking “He forgot about me. He doesn’t care about me.”
Every time I checked my phone loving texts, facebook messages and voicemails were streaming in.
But none of it lifted me up.
Instead, I sunk deeper into my despair because I hadn’t received anything from him
My sadness turned to anger and I started to attack him in my mind. Then I started to attack myself for letting this “ruin my day”. I was caught in an ego tailspin.
I thought I was suffering because of what was happening on the outside.
But in reality, I was suffering because of my perception.
I wasn’t focused on all of the love that I was receiving. I was focused on lack.
As A Course in Miracles says, I was caught in the illusion of “special love”, the idea that love from one special romantic person matters more than love from anybody else, and that without it, I am incomplete.
Luckily, the universe wanted to teach me a lesson that day.
I headed to Whole Foods still in my miserable state and while wandering the aisles I “randomly” bumped into a friend.
He asked me how I was doing and how it was going with my guy. I started to tear up as I told him it was my birthday and that he had forgotten it.
My friend hugged me and said “will you come with me for a second? I want to show you something.”
I followed him and he stopped in front of the flowers section. “Choose whichever ones you like,” he said.
I was floored. Here I was receiving flowers from a man on my birthday after all.
The universe had been sending me nudges all day.
“You are loved. You are loved. You are loved,” it whispered to me.
But it wasn’t until that moment that I could hear the message.
In the cab ride home I was clutching the flowers and crying again, but this time out of joy.
What I realized in that moment is love is NEVER missing, it’s only our perception that makes us think it is.
And that the universe really does love me. It loves you too.
Love is always in abundant supply if we can open our minds to see it.
When we focus on getting love from one special person, we will suffer. When we focus instead on giving love and being open to receiving love in all its forms, love is what we will feel.
Are you suffering right now because you think you don’t have love from one special person in your life?
If so, I invite you to try out an exercise I recommend to my clients called “looking for evidence of love”.
Instead of focusing on the love that you think is missing right now, start focusing on all of the ways you are already loved right now.
Maybe it’s your mom, your friends, your kids, your coworkers, the sunshine warming your shoulders, or even the guy at starbucks giving you a free latte.
For one day, focus on all of the ways you are receiving love from so many different sources.
The day after, focus on GIVING as much love as you possibly can.
Your world will change. All with a simple shift of perception.
PS: Are you wondering what happened with my boyfriend? He didn’t actually forget my birthday. On that particular day, he wasn’t paying attention to what date it was (he rarely does) so he didn’t realize that the day of my birthday had come up already. When I finally let him know it was my birthday, he was in tears (he’s a super sensitive guy) and sent me 6 messages and videos apologizing and sending kisses to my heart. So the love I thought was missing wasn’t missing after all 🙂